Lost Soul

Have you ever felt like you dont know who you are anymore? Lately i've been feeling like im stuck at crossroads. not even cross roads. i just feel like im stuck inside a box. trapped is more like it, and have no way to go anywhere.  Feelings of random hate, anger, frustration. all of it just being unleashed like pandora's box just opened. I dont even know why it is i feel this way. May be i do, but i just dont want to recognize it. As im trying despratly trying to get out and change my life, i feel as if i have so little choices i can make. Im trying to think of the positive things it my life.

To be honest, my life has been pretty great. i haven't had much "problems" i guess. I have great parents, who care so much for me. and i have a wonderfully annyoing sister as well. we have our bad days but in the end, i know she'd stick up for me:) no big tragidy, no humungous health issue that would kill me in the near future. Its been blissfully boring life. Until of course couple years ago.

 I dont really know how i got here in life. But i feel as if i've gone off track. My plans for the future just compleatly altered, leaving me with no long term plans at all. Not even few short term plans acutally.

I guess i just feel like there is nothing recognizable in my life at the moment. Im just waiting for something to happen, but i know waiting doesn't cut it. I just feel this lost soul will find a cause. and a reason to look forward for the future.

Yesterdays blog today

i had such a lng day yesterday! i was determined to get this blog written before i sleep but i couldn't help my self as sleep washed over my body. yesterday i really did wish i had my phone back. it seems it would be soo much easier to blog things with pictures attactched. especially since i love taking pictures of everything i see:) We have a brand new baby boy in town he was the cutest little thing in my hands:-P and i totally was the VERYY FIRST person he saw with his cute little eyes:-P lol well sure couple people held him before me, but he opned his eyes for the first time when he was in my arms:). its amazing how delicatly we are all born, and how strong we end up in our lives. a baby that seems like he would bruise with the most smallest breeze like touch. and im sure he will be enduring many tackles, many falls, and many many booboos:-P it was awesome:) i'll get to go back again today and visit hm:) maybe i'll have a picture for my blog today:-P

and anohter cutest thing. lol i gave my boyfriend timeout yesterday!! haha he was the cutesttt little thing when he gets mad! hahahahhaha. his cute lips all pouddy. i made him face the wall, fold his hands, and put his head down. told him its time out for running about the hospital. lol he got soo mad!! haha i tried soo hard to keep my face as serious as i could! how could i get mad at a cute little face!awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. maybe someone soon i can get a picture of him all mad at me:-P well this is my yesterdays blog for today;-P

i'll be on track today though i'l makre sure i write b4 i sleep:)

Borken Promises

Ya know whats super sadd.. when ppl say they would do something and dont. like dude!! keep up with it. atleastttt for a week !! w.e i m just frustrated today with everything. i feel like i've just kept my mouth shut about so many things now, its like i dont even have a voice anymore. and the only time my voice comes out is when i'm supposed to be explaining my self to someone. well im tired of it. so sry bro but i dont have to explain MYSELF to anyone but me!! my concious is clear about the things i do, and the things i say.. the rest of you can go to hell if you dont like my silence. cause i'd rather be compleatly mute than have a voice whose sole purpose is to explain my actions.

ohh second post is all i see.

bla

Today has been a dull day.. it seems like all the days are blending together now..:( some people at least have days that are long because of their busy schedule. but i got nothing. hopefully that will change soon:) aside from that i think i had a pretty decent day. i started it off with a phone call.. according to my promise. since the other person was also hella sleepy just as i was, i think they probably though it was a dream:-P hopefully i'll get to talk again soon:) i had a good conversation yesterday night:) i will try my best to update this everyday since i also made a deal with someone:) maybe this will help us be more involved in each others lives since we could communicate in a different means:) i like being able to extend the ways of communication

"Issues"

so it seems i am veryy emotionally unstable today! seriously why is it that women are the ones who alwayy and i mean ALWAYYYS endure the hardships? seriously god! u didn't think it would be a good idea to put men through some serioussssss pain like you do to us? not only do we have to put up with the stupidity of men, we also have to deal with the other horrific things in life such as child birth and not to forget about the monthly "gifts" of mother nature!
welll anyyywayyysssss i have the need to eat something gooie and fatty and everything unhealthy combied with the saddest movie in the world! 

1st blog

Hello:) so this is my firsttt bloggg so lets see how it goes:) hehe:)

i guess i'll be using it more as an online diary to keep my thoughts in order:-P maybe i'll also improve my writing skills along with it:)